oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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