If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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