Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
