He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
