Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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