Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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