hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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