if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
