The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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