feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
