he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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