she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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