after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
