I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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