eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
