Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
