Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
