Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
