mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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