Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
