"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
