I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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