So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
