He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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