im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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