I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
