I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
