So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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