I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
