Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
