My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
