Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
