You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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