I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
