at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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