mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
