i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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