the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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