I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I love you.
Bad choice
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
