I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
