someone threw a dead crab at me
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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