I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
