I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
