I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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