Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
