I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
