Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
