I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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