I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
