Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
