piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You ruined the universe
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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