I got chris browned last night
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
